why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
