I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
