Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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