You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
