mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
