yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
