The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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