Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Farmville is her only friend.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
