I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
