So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
