I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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