I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
