I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
