I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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