I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
