yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This baby is an asshole
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
