for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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