My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
