In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
