doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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