i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
