awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
