The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
