hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
