Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
