Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
