How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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