I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
