worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
