the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
