New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
