you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
