I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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