i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
