Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
