K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
