I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
