Cold hands, warm shart.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
