i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
