he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
