I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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