I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
