If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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