I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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