Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
