my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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