Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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