Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
