I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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