I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
