God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The air was thick with penises
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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