Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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