You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
