dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
