Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
